I hurt in the mornings.
This pain, more a manifestation of the inside coming out, ironically, derives from my surroundings; the outsides, burning in. At this point in my life, my environment breaches contract with my soul. And this hurts. The hurt is most noticeable upon waking.
Once upon a time, there were Eight Deadly Sins. In order of rising severity, they were: gluttony, lust, avarice, sadness, anger, apathy, vainglory, and pride. Along the roads of history, however, alterations were made, as Man saw fit. Gregory the Great decided that vainglory and pride were too much alike to be counted separately and combined them. He also decided to add envy. Further down the road, apathy was dropped. (Guess they didn’t care enough about it. :::cough::: ) Later still, the Roman Catholic Church determined that sadness wasn't a sin, and swapped it for sloth.
The variations of names ebbed and flowed, but the meanings, from this point on, remained fairly constant. It was down to seven. One should, through interpretation by deductive reasoning, be faithful, hopeful, benevolent, courageous, just, temperate, and prudent. Sounds like quite a life.
It is difficult for me to make friends. Acquaintances are a dime a dozen, but “friends,” true friends, don’t really come around too often. I could blame it on my outlook – my perception that some people “fit” and others, well, they just don’t. But, more than likely, that fact that I can count my real friends without even taking off a sock is most likely due to the fact that I am a picky son of a bitch. Daughter, actually… but don’t tell her I said that. She’ll kick my ass.
So, when wayward awareness causes a chasm to shoot across the tolerance I have for things that I shouldn’t, it’s hard to sit still. It’s hard to smile at the Man, and grin at the discordantly inconsequential banter. And it’s harder still to pretend that their actions were at all (AT ALL) justified. Termination is distressing as is, but groundless termination is just fucking insulting. And it is with a clear perception of the ruthlessness, fraudulence, and arrogance that IS the corporate world that I walk, heavily, back into the gray building that is my prison. Only ten months ago, I thought this place was a blessing. The grass is greener? Not anymore.
I will miss our walks together. From here on out, I guess the path is made for One.