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Fri, Oct. 13th, 2006, 12:31 pm
In response to cluttered rooms, and 4th grade math...

To Whom It May Concern:

There are apples growing somewhere in the darkness. It is cold and damp and photosynthesis is an unnecessary extravagance of the mind. What is now and what could never be sometimes sleep together. Not fuck, just sleep together, in the same bed, where things become sensitive while wrapped in the sheets of sleep. They are paper dolls left out in the rain. Absorption. The incorporation of ideals and the containment of a fear.

For what is fear besides the waking of a dream? The iceboxed limitation of the wonderment that knew no horizons as a child? We aspire to escape from the drear of our black and white rooms; the toy box we grew up in, and sometimes remain. We aspire, for the alternatives are horrendous, and our eyes ache from the stench of it. There are directions, so many other directions, angels perched on a needle’s tip, limitless, endless, and all of which hold the possibility of an angle none of them have ever considered before. There is a chance.

And so, we embrace an insurgence. We staple our ideals to the tenderness of our own flesh; reminders of direction we have chosen, but have yet to veer. I have tattooed myself to feel the separation. A countdown to the destruction of the softness my parents strived so rigidly to build. To watch the walls fall down. To feel the colors as the seep into my paper doll, so vivid in the downpour. The juice is a necessary secretion, a simple lubricant in the otherwise overwhelming dryness of the core. And the seeds… the seeds give shelter to the cyanide which makes these decisions mandatory.

I have watched myself, as quietly as I watch the others, and seen the change as they grow. Calm and silenced in the darkness. They have only to remember that each step may take a new direction. That we are never housed unless we build the walls ourselves. That sometimes, it takes a prison to truly remember where you want to be.

The poison is in the doubting. Without a preference, everything is gray.

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